Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
