Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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