This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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