I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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