i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it penis luge time yet?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
