At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
