Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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