He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
