He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
