Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
