I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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