On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
