Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
