I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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