The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
