im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
