Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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