Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
