I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
