he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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