I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
