His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
