dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
