so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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