I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mom said you looked used
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
