i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
