Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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