like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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