I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
