Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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