Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
