Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
