Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
