My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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