I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
