If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
