Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
