Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
