Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
