I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
love makes seman taste better
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
