I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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