her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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