they need to just BURY HIM!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My vagina just recognized that song.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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