Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
