just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
