I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
