My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
