your parents love me but you hate me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
