Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A bitchslap is in order.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
