i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
