wat bout pragnant strippers??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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