i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
