respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
